Deadpool review by Sir Kent Said!
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Before I start my review, let me just say this. If you are a parent and you took your child to see THIS MOVIE you are a SHIT-TASTIC parent and C.P.S. (Child Protective Services) should come and take your kids away! There was this f Beep-tard of a woman who had two kids, that couldn't have been older than 13, in the theater last night to see Deadpool...DEADPOOL! BITCH you stupid! I can tell you right now, in a few years when I have to empty a magazine into their asses for breaking into my house, that sh-Beep is on YOU! NOW I can get to my review.
Once in a while, an actor comes along that is just DESTINED for a role. Clint Eastwood for like every cowboy movie EVER. Robert Deniro for Raging Bull and we can now add Ryan Reynolds to that list for his role as the merc’ with a mouth Deadpool. As you all know, I try to write what I disliked about the movie first. I can safely say, I COULD FIND NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS MOVIE!
From the opening credits, to the action scenes, to the romance, to the murder and even to the strap-on sex (YUP! THAT happened) the direction and flow of the movie was sublime! I am finding it hard to write a review about a movie that EVERYBODY knows about WITHOUT giving away too much (Except for that strap-on sex part. I mean C’MON! Those kids had a LOT of questions for that mother afterwards, you know?) I found myself laughing throughout the entire movie and never once looked at my smartwatch.
Going into the movie, I had concerns on how much time they would dedicate to the backstory of Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) prior to his becoming Deadpool. I was concerned that with a running time of about an hour and 50 mintes, that part of the story would be lost among all the action and profanity. Let me say that, he weaved a tapestry of profanity that even Samuel L. Jackson would have said “DAYUM, muthuF-Beep-a! Yo’ ass better chill!” However, director Tim Miller (Scott Pilgram saves the world) found the perfect balance between the action, jokes, romance and brutality to fill in the gaps for someone who may not have been up to speed on the backstory of Deadpoll. I think FOX was DESPERATE to do this one right.
After that dumpster fire of a Fantastic Four movie and public outcry over them considering making this a PG-13 movie (Are you f-BEEP'in’ serious, FOX?!?!) They really let go and let the director, fans and the actors do what they do. I don't know if this will be a spoiler but, I'm going to say it anyway. Morena Baccarin plays Vanessa, the love interest of Wade Wilson and Deadpool. Juliet to his very f-BEEP'ed up Romeo. Many of you may remember her from FIREFLY. Good news YOU GET TO SEE HER TITTIES! Let me tell you, them’s some pretty ass titties!
We very nearly got to see Gina Carano’s (Angel Dust) firm fun bags but, they were blocked by Colossus’s giant, cock-blocking hand! I thought the addition of Colossus (Voiced by Stefan Kapicic) and
Negosonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hilderbrand) was a good choice and was comical because they are such polar opposites. Colossus spent the entire movie trying to get Deadpool to do whats right and join the X-Men. While Negosonic pretty much acted like any teenage girl with the “Whatever’s” and the evil eyes and silence. I found the fight scene between Angel Dust and Colossus to be interesting because I had no idea that she could last so long, much less stand toe-to-toe with Colossus.
Ed Skrein (The Sweeny) played the protagonist and jailer Ajax beautifully and was easy to hate without being cheesy or over the top. Ajax was in charge of the black site human experimentation lab that was a splinter of the Canadian government' Weapon X program. They were trying to create another version of Wolverine off book and basically lied to people to get them to submit to illegal experimentation. Wilson/Deadpool voulnteered after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and approched by a recruiter for the department (Jeb Rees). During his time there, in order to ignite, what they HOPED would be a mutant gene, Wilson was subjected to drugs and torture.
He earned the anger of Ajax because at some point, Wilson finds out what his REAL name is and says it loud enough for the other patients to hear. This enrages Ajax who thinks his authority is being undermined. In one final act of cruelty, Ajax subjects Wilson to a torture that does ignite his mutant gene but also, scars the skin all over his body. Thus, Deadpool is born. In closing, I don't think I can tell you what you don't already know about Deadpool.
What I can tell you that this is the BEST adaptation of a Marvel character EVER!!! F-Beep the Avengers, F-Beep Iron Man, F-Beep Mother F-Beeping Captain America! The only one that even comes close is Netflix’s Daredevil and Jessica Jones! Maybe because they seem to focus more on an adult edge. Maybe because they are just more gritty and honest. Or maybe its because they don't try to cater to everybody. If you are not a fan, if you are not a person who enjoys REAL humor, if you are a kid, this movie ain't for you! For everybody else, GO SEE IT!
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